I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
