so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We got so high we made milksteak
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
