dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
