Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
