Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
