And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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