I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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