If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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