I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
