He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
