i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
