Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i think i just lost a toe
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
