hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My life is pants optional.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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