i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize