Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I love you.
Bad choice
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
