all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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