He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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