They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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