he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My penis needs a shock collar
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
