You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
