I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It's just like the Real World with babies
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ๐๐#pensacolaproblems
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Hope youโre getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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