I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
