im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
