once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
