didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
