You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
