You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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