Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
