He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
