Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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