Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
