I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
