just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
