i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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