is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
