come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize