He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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