I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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