the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
