I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
