i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
