I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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