Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize