I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
