we made out on top of his cat.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
