508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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