you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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