My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
