Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
