Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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