A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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