evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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