"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
