ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize
