shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
