A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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