currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
