We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
