i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
