I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
