my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
