opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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