Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
