I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
