11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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