My friends, they love my intelligence
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
