I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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