Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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