so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
