Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
