The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
