I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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