I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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