Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
