So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
