I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
