I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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