I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
