There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
