You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
