I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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