I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
