all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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