i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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