sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The Olympian is in my bed
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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