2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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