i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
