im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
