i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She told me I should be a condom model.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
